What can fathers do to support breastfeeding?
“I had real problems at the beginning, I was in a lot of pain, and was worried I was not feeding her enough. Each feed was a potential horror and I came to dread them. My husband really supported me, not pressurising me to either give up or stay with it, just trying to get me through the next feed.”
Research shows that fathers' attitudes can make a big difference to a woman's breastfeeding experience. Fathers are in an ideal position to provide emotional and practical support and to share in any concerns about learning to breastfeed.
Breastfeeding is not always straightforward for mother and baby. Sometimes a breastfeeding mother can lose confidence if feeding isn't going well, and she may well worry that your baby is not receiving enough nourishment. Good support, commitment and the right information can help overcome any problems.
Your support will make a difference. The more you understand about breastfeeding, the greater help you can give your partner. If you are calm and confident and able to understand her concerns, you will reassure and encourage her.
If you are unsure about her breastfeeding your baby, remember she is making the decision to give your baby milk that is tailor made to their needs. And there’s no evidence behind the idea that breastfeeding causes breasts to sag.
Formula milk is available if mothers do not breastfeed and many women mix breastfeeding and formula feeding. However, exclusive breastfeeding (giving nothing but breastmilk) for the first six months and continuing to breastfeed while solid foods are introduced brings the greatest health benefits.
What can you do?
• Be positive about breastfeeding - this will help build her confidence.
• Talk about how you each feel about coping with your new baby and with breastfeeding - you will be able to face any concerns together and overcome them as a team.
• Remember that breastfeeding is a new skill, for both mother and baby to learn - don't pressurise her, just be there with her and help her gain her confidence as she learns this skill.
• Make sure she has some food made for her and a drink, to keep her strength up. Newborn babies feed frequently so she may not get much of a chance to fend for herself.
• Help with household chores – feeding takes time, especially in the early days and night feeds means she needs extra rest in the day.
• Let her know that she is doing well and say positive things especially during the first few weeks.
• If your partner feels hesitant breastfeeding when you are out, position yourself so that she is not in full view of others and reassure her that she is doing a brilliant job.
• Share the parenting by being involved with the baby in ways such as soothing, bathing, cuddling and talking to your baby.
• Boost her confidence - reassure and encourage her.
• Get specialist help from a midwife, health visitor or breastfeeding counsellor if she is finding it difficult.
• Accept her decision of when to stop.
What can family and friends do to support breastfeeding?
“I always felt most comfortable if people around me smiled at me and then carried on as normal, without intruding. I feel that by doing this they acknowledge that the woman is breastfeeding, show they are happy and supportive and then leave her to get on with it as a normal activity.”
Your attitude counts
Feeling supported is really important to a new mum. The lack of sleep and the huge life changes that she will be experiencing with her new baby, mean that she will be feeling quite vulnerable at times. The way you react and act with her when she is breastfeding will make a difference to how she feels.
Grandparents and other family members may like the idea of feeding the baby. Mothers can express breastmilk to feed the baby if they have to be apart, for instance if they are going back to work. However, it is important to know that introducing bottles of formula milk to a breastfed baby reduces the amount of breastmilk their mother makes. It also reduces the health benefits of breastfeeding, especially if there is a history of allergies, eczema or asthma in the family. There is no need for babies to have bottles if a mother wants to continue breastfeeding for at least the first year. Babies can start using a beaker for water when they start taking solid foods.
Lots of new mums will share their experiences with other mothers that they meet with their new baby. But old friends are just as important and if you are supportive of breastfeeding you will help her immensely. If you've breastfed yourself, it may be useful to share your experience with your friend.
If you do not have children or did not breastfeed yourself, you may feel awkward and lacking in knowledge or experience to support a friend who has just had a baby and is starting to breastfeed. But remember that she is just feeding her baby, so you don't need to feel any more awkward than if she was feeding her baby with a bottle.
Did you know?
• Women are three times more likely to stop breastfeeding in the first two weeks if none of their friends breastfeed.
• Almost 90% of women with friends who breastfed their children, also planned to breastfeed their own babies. Where women didn't have friends who breastfed, the percentage was reduced to 51%.
What can you do?
• Don't be embarrassed if she is feeding in front of you - remember she is feeding her baby - you wouldn't be embarrassed if she had a bottle of formula in her hand.
• If you walk into the room and discover she is breastfeeding, don't try to escape and pretend you hadn't noticed - ask her if she is happy with you in the room.
• If she would prefer to be on her own, remember that she is learning a new skill and needs to build her confidence.
• Sit next to her, rather than opposite her - that way you don't have to "avoid" looking at her while she is feeding, but can still have eye contact while talking.
• Don't assume that she will want to be alone/in private to feed her baby - most women hate being locked away on their own - she will probably want to chat and talk to you as normal.
• Offer to help, by making her more comfortable or getting her a drink.
• Try not to ask questions like "how do you know whether the baby is getting enough milk" - she may start doubting herself and worry unnecessarily.
• Don't ask when she is going to give up breastfeeding and "regain her body" - support her in her decision to breastfeed for as long as she wants to.
• Help out your friend by bringing lunch/dinner when you visit her or offering to pop out to the shops for her.
• If you are going out together for lunch or dinner, then check beforehand whether the place you intend to go to is breastfeeding friendly. If it isn't then go somewhere else.
• Don't recount horror stories that you have heard from other people. If she tells you she is struggling, then gently suggest that she seeks help.
“I was having a very bad day and a friend came up to me, put her arms around me, and told me that motherhood is the hardest job in the world, and that I was doing a fabulous job... Prior to that no one had told me that parenthood was hard, I believed it would all come naturally....”